3 Tips to Maintain Your Adult Friendships

At the beginning of this year, I hosted a vision board party and at this party I chose a word that would be my “word of the year.” Now before you roll your eyes at me, hear me out. The word I chose for myself was intentional.

Intentional: inˈten(t)SH(ə)n(ə)l/ adjective, done on purpose; deliberate.

I wanted to stop letting life just happen, I wanted to be intentional with my decision making and truly design the life I desired.

One area that I have been focusing on the past few months has been my taking the time to have intentional friendships. I want to always be the friend that I wish I had and I know in order to do this then I have to make intentional decisions to make sure I am nurturing my friendships.  Because I’ve noticed that the older I get and the more responsibilities I get (read: Langston’s social calendar), the harder it is to keep up with my friends.  And I want to make sure that I am surrounding myself with women that are going to help me grow and enjoy life, not just women that are in close proximity to my day to day life.
Here are some of the ways that I am intentional about nurturing my friendships:

•If that person crosses my mind or I realize that I haven’t talked to them in a while, then I immediately reach out. – This can be via phone call, text, or email. I check in and let them know that they were on my mind and if they are local, I try to set up a time to see them face to face.

•I do my best to support them and/or their projects. – I have some pretty creative girlfriends so any time they are working on project I do my best to like, share, comment, DONATE and/or attend. So while I am here, it’s great to like and comment on your friends’ social media posts, but if they provide a service or product, and you were going to spend the coins anyway…GIVE THE COINS TO YOUR FRIEND!

•I invite them places. – Now this may seem a like a no brainer, but if you want to SEE someone, tell them. They can’t read your mind. You HAVE to reach out. And who cares if “you always have to call first”, if you are the extroverted friend, then guess what, you have to call first. Period.

Now, my friends will tell you, I am by no means perfect at this, I fall short, I miss things, I forget to text back (hush, Shuana!), but I make a conscious effort. Intentional friendships are the cornerstone to my adult life…I don’t know what I would do without you guys!


Here’s to more girls’ trips, living room dance parties, and brunch!



Shanetra D


p.s. Another way that I nurture my friendships is I share all the great gems I find online. It could be an IG account that’s popping, a new blog or my newest podcast obsession like this one. Want in on the party? Join my email list and you’re in!


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7 Replies to “3 Tips to Maintain Your Adult Friendships”

  1. Yeah, I pretty much suck at this irl (at least it feels that way). I will try your tip about calling/texting someone as I think of them. Thanks for sharing these, Shanetra!

    1. You’re welcome! Another tip that I just saw was to call someone when you are driving, that way you could quickly check in on your way to the gym.

  2. Great conversation to be had. At 51 I find myself too tired to run with my girls like I used to but our ages are so different and our life structure is so different that it is easier not to make it happen. Thanks for the word intentional. We must determine early on what we want the later on to look like and govern ourselves accordingly. It is harder to break the habit of not seeing friends than it is to maintain INTENTIONAL efforts to see each other. So if you want contact relationships when you are older then you should/must nurture them while you are younger.

    1. Thank you for this! I’ve always admired those 30-40 year friendships, and often wondered how they maintained so long. So thank you for affirming that the work starts now! Because I am trying to go to a mansion in Jamaica with my friends like you!

  3. Great advise I am definitely not the best at it. I have one friend that is always on my case but I feel like after 20+ years of friendship she should know that its not intentional, lol. I definitely am that person that will think about someone and say to myself I need to call them. Then I forget and they call first. It makes me mad like dang it I really was going to call you lol. I know I know… no more excuses. Just do it. 🙂 Great post and i love your newsletter BTW.

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